Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
