I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
