come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
foreskin is a definite game changer
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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