Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
These tits shall not be calmed
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
