My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
