when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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