I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
