In the future we'll all be gay
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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