Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
