Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
only you would photoshop your dick
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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