My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize