btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
