apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
