just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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