i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
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He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
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He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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