Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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