Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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