You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
