i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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