So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
