Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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