I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize