If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
third nipple confirmed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
