and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
