I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
