After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
