just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
