If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
