i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
