At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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