just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
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Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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