She announced her abortion via fbk
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
