Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
