Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
