I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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