Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
