Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
