I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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