Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
