if you like me you must not know who I am
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
