haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
and you fell through a lawn chair
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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