So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
