i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
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I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
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Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Im part way to drunk.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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