Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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