LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
