matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
