I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
