So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
