Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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