Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I stole a fireplace last night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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