Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
