ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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