she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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