oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
