you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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