And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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