So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm like, not good at living.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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