I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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