some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
