clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize