I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
