his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
