just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
