Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
