Don't make out with my wife yet
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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