Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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