watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
