...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize