I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
