Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
