I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
