fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
