Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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