Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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