apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
