U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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