Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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