He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
