i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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