3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
