There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
