dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
