i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
